living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dignity is for republicans.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
