McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
