shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
