Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
