chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
