dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i've created a new STD.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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