He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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