Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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