I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
