my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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