Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
