i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
