i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
