I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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