This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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