He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
