I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
