I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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