Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
