I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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