she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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