I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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