my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize