trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We smell like vodka and hangover
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