I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
