I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
