her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
