Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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