So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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