the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
