I'm so fucking centered right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize