I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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