Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is Oprah even human
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
