We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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