drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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