This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize