i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
