I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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