I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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