i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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