Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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