Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
