It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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