I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
