I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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