porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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