I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
