you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
