I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
