You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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