what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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