I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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