i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
