who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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