so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
