clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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