I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
