dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
