marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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