I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
