i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
