I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
