..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
