They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
