you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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