when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
