Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
