it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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