plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The adults are the big ones right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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