Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
