Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
