I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
