this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
