I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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