Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
