They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
