Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
