When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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