it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
