I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
