im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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