my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
