i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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