Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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