She is in my trunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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