when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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