My Higher Power is John Stamos
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
