it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is Oprah even human
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
