Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
