i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's blow job season.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
