i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
