so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
