I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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